I know what you’re thinking.
“What? WHAT? That asshole? The one passed out in the Round Table Pizza booth in a Billy Joel shirt? Giving life advice? Providing self-help? This stuttering, underachieving, know-nothing joke of a human being is going to tell others what to do? What a privileged, irritating piece of shit. Fall off a cliff, you narcissistic idiot.”
(Or maybe that’s just me thinking that.)
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best way to introduce myself. Sorry.
“What? WHAT? That asshole? The one passed out in the Round Table Pizza booth in a Billy Joel shirt? Giving life advice? Providing self-help?
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best way to introduce myself. Sorry.
Hi, I’m Will. I live with my girlfriend and 4-pound chihuahua in Los Angeles. I like basketball, food, and using masturbation jokes to give you a new perspective on life. I have the occasional Generalized Anxiety, constant crippling self-awareness, and a worse attention span than my chihuahua.
And the imaginary you I just made up is totally right. I’m not the most conventionally qualified dude to give you life advice. I don’t have a lot of friends, or money, I don’t have my dream job, I’m responsible for these articles. Plus I can’t ride a bike, eat iceberg lettuce, or read anything for more than 20 seconds at a time.
I’ve got plenty of my own problems. I’m a mess just like you.
But here’s the important thing to remember: In some ways, so is everyone else. Every human being alive is a struggling, irrational, unsatisfied, wounded, gassy, woefully imperfect animal. They really are. They just won’t tell you that, and it’s a real problem.
Anybody who gives you advice on something is coming from a place of authority. Whether you turn to a self-help seminar, a parent, or the Vietnam vet at Venice Beach trying to barter guidance in exchange for heroin, the advice-giver is coming from a place of having their shit together. They have it figured out. They know what they’re doing. They know how you can be happy.
Well here’s a little secret: Fuck no, they don’t.
No one has life figured out. Rich people, smiley people, people with your dream job—they’re all shitting the bed just like you are. They’re all broken in some way, and they don’t know how to live your life any better than you. We are a species of infinitely complex hairless monkeys who are impossible mysteries to anyone and anything outside of our brains.
So unlike other self-help writers and gurus, I’m not going to pretend like I know you and how to fix your life. I’m not here to offer solutions. I’m here to propose ideas. Ideas are different. Ideas can be taken or left. Ideas can make you think. Ideas can be wrong. Ideas are real. I’m here to tell you that I suck, you suck, and here are some ideas on how maybe we can both be better.
Here’s the first idea that’s the basis for this whole site.
The Be Better Stupid Theory
We don’t think about whether or not doughnut number four, or Buzzfeed listicle number twenty-seven is going to be a good long term plan for us. We just know it will take us from a near-sociopathic feeling of nothingness to a moment of fleeting elation. This is how many of us function 90% of the time. We don’t live consciously.
Living consciously, as I define it, is about seeking to fully interpret the world around us. It means picking apart every last thing that happens around us until we’ve arrived at the holy grail: real, pure, truth.
Truth is a tricky thing, because people are tricky. We lie, fuck up without knowing why, and convince ourselves of even the most heinous bullshit. Real truth is buried way underneath that bullshit and it needs to be dug up. It takes, blood, sweat, tears, and accepting that you’re going to get some shit on your fingers.
People avoid truth for a reason. Sometimes truth is horrifying, sometimes it’s discouraging, and sometimes it makes us shave our head while crying and masturbating in a darkened room, but that doesn’t change its importance. Truth is the bedrock of existence. Without it, you’re just not really here.
So I want to find that truth. I want that shit on my fingers, and I want to wipe it on yours too. I want to help us all live consciously.
My theory is that if we live consciously, and come to understand the real truth of the world around us, we’re better equipped to deal with it. The Be Better Stupid theory, ultimately, is: Maybe if we get closer to fully understanding reality–all of our blind spots, fuck-ups, and foibles–we can get closer to prospering in reality.
And by the way, that could totally be wrong. Don’t assume I’m right. Use your judgment. It’s just a fucking theory, guys.
The Goal: Suck Less
Nobody is an expert in what will make you happy. But if my theory is correct, then you sucking less should help.
And I am an expert in how so many of you suck. This is my life’s work. Just as a doctor spends years studying every last detail of the human body, or a vegan dedicates her time to concluding why I’m an asshole, I have dedicated my life to developing the pure truth behind why you suck–not why you’re unhappy, or why you don’t have what you want, but why you suck. You’re welcome.
Here’s the most important thing I’ve come to learn about sucking: we don’t have to do it. We could be something more. We could be heroes. We could be inventors. We could change each others’ lives. But first, we have to see where we’re going wrong. We have to see where we’re being self-centered, illogical, thoughtless, life-ruining escapist blobs that do nothing but vacuum up the world’s resources.
I try to see this this every day, and you know what? It works. I do become something more. I’m more productive, more considerate, and I feel better.
That is of course when I actually succeed at this. I fail fucking miserably ninety-five percent of the time, but in that successful five percent, it works!
But if I can do it sometimes, then I can do it more. And if I can do it at all, you sure as hell can (again, I can barely read). Not everyone can live their dream, but anyone can be a better version of themselves.
So here’s my deal. I’m going to write out all of our problems that we have as people, all of the reasons that we suck, and then together we can use these lessons to improve ourselves. If this sounds good to you, feel free to join my e-mail list (I promise I’ll irritate you with it as little as possible).
So go on. Do what you should be doing. Become the best version of you.
Be better, stupid.