By 
Oh, so you think we’re all good now, do you? They can get married anywhere in America, so we’re all square. Everything is rainbows and unicorns, is it?
Or maybe it’s not. Maybe things still need some work. Maybe you still need some work because you still can’t see this…
…and not still feel at least a little weird.
Despite all the progress we’ve made, unless you’re in West Hollywood, or the village, or San Francisco, two dudes kissing is still a moment in America. Two women kissing has its own separate (and equally fucked up) place in our culture, but when two dudes kiss, there’s still often a very specific kind of elephant in the room of, “Oh, wow. Okay. So that’s happening right now. Let’s all forcibly act normal.“
It’s the polite cousin of the pervasive “I don’t want to have to look at that,” notion in our culture, and the socially awkward grandson of, “Sure, be gay, as long as you don’t try to force your gayness on me…in other words, just don’t rape me like I assume you were planning to, and I’ll consider tolerating your existence.“
It sucks, and you can see how. Many gay couples won’t even hold hands when they’re with friends and family, never mind kiss. Many clearly don’t feel comfortable behaving in the same way straight couples do (short of criticizing each others’ opinions and getting in fights over a game of Scrabble), and it’s because we are not yet the fully accepting people we like to pretend we are.
I’m not saying you’re not allowed to feel disgusted by something, because you are. But think about how much that sucks for them. Because really, fuck marriage. The lack of a right to sign your names on a pixie dust contract pales in comparison to this.
Imagine you’re in Saudi Arabia, where straight couples aren’t allowed to show public affection. Imagine that as soon as you step outside of your front door, you have to let go of the hand of the love of your life, and pretend you’re two people who happen to be going to the same place. Kissing, hugging, a charming pat on the rear–all of it–is officially on hold until you’re back behind that door. Your life looks like this.
Now realize that a chunk of our country is experiencing that same feeling in large part because you’re like, “Ew.”
So yes, you’re allowed to feel grossed out, just as you’re allowed to feel irritable, or farty, or racist. But if the way you feel ends up making you a douche that ruins life for everyone around you, why not try to be less like that?
How to Be Less Weirded Out
We’re not stupid. Okay, we’re a little stupid, but we know that dude on dude kissing happens.
But there’s a huge difference between knowing something is happening and seeing it. It’s like when you hear about famine and poverty, and you go, “Oh yeah, that’s terrible.” And then you actually see an emaciated naked African child unable to stand with a vulture waiting to gnaw on his corpse, and you go, “FUCK EVERYTHING GOD IS DEAD AND I WISH I WAS TOO.”
Seeing it is different. It’s especially different when we see something new, because we always have an initial discomfort with things that look unusual to us. We really do. Research has even shown that biologically speaking, we kind of don’t give a shit about races outside of our own until we’re around them a lot which, oh boy, doesn’t that make the whole room uncomfortable?
Kissing is an objectively weird activity where human animals rub their mouths together to demonstrate affection, but we see it as normal when it’s hetero, because it’s the standard. It’s in commercials, it’s on book covers, it’s the way every God damn movie ends. And we see it all the time in real life. So while saying that being gay is normal is nice, we won’t think of it as a normal, every day thing until we see it normally…every day.
So for anyone that feels at all uncomfortable or not used to two dudes showing affection to each other, the solution is simple: surround yourself with it. Envelope yourself in gay tongues. If you get uncomfortable, tough shit. Be uncomfortable. Keep watching. In fact, let me help you start.
There ya go! Look at you! Making progress!
And hey, maybe that doesn’t weird you out at all. That’s okay, because this idea goes way beyond dudes making out. This idea goes for anything you feel uncomfortable with.<span “mso-spacerun:=”” yes”=””>
Maybe transgender people freak you out, or little people, or ugly people, or the homeless. Maybe some weird shit like vegetables or fax machines. I don’t know. I don’t know you. The point is that whatever it is, surround yourself with it. Get used to it. It’s not worth missing out on life (or worse, causing others to miss out) because you feel weird right this second.
So if you have a chance, go to clusters of your discomfort–like pride rallies, or Compton, or gatherings of ugly people (…Comic-Con?). Show your children these things on a regular basis so that you don’t raise weak, twitchy weirdos like you.
Even Googling helps. Find pictures and videos of what makes you uncomfortable. That’s already helped me get used to people with botched plastic surgery.
And perhaps most importantly, seek to change the culture as it is. When somebody around you gets weirded out when they see dudes kissing, or a transgender person, or someone with half a face, make fun of them. Mimic them in a child’s voice, saying, “Ew! My tummy hurts when I see something different from me! Mommy help pwease! Two boys are kissing!” Make them feel like the weak little child that they are.
Because the truth is, this isn’t about tolerance. This is about strength. This is about building the muscle of getting used to things that currently bother you, for the sake of those around you.
So how do we enforce this type of relentless pursuit of self-improvement? We reward ourselves. A major reason for gay progress is because Millenials love to show how progressive we are and pat ourselves on the back for it. It’s annoying most of the time, but it has helped in this case.
So instead of coloring your profile picture rainbow, or writing some predictable tweet, or getting in a public argument with someone who will be dead in four months, brag about your new form of progress. Walk up to people on the street, and say, “I watched fourteen different dudes full on make out today. One of ’em even grabbed a bulge,” and then walk away, head held high.
First we must admit to our source of discomfort. Then, we must challenge ourselves to experience that discomfort until it feels normal. And then, when we can say honestly that we’ve grown to be fully accepting of what once bothered us, then we can pat ourselves on the back so hard, we leave handprints. Then we can feel like our own little Gandhis.
We can be this awesome. We can challenge ourselves this much. But it starts with a commitment to do it. So go on.
