By 
Sometimes people tell me that I’m too self-deprecating, and they’re right. Self-deprecation is one of the many ways in which I’m terrible. Just the absolute worst.
Awful. Truly awful.
It’s hard to not be self-deprecating though because there frankly aren’t many good things about me. But okay, let’s give it a shot. Here is a list of every single good about me.
1) I work hard on things that I care about.
2) I almost never procrastinate.
3) I really try to do the right thing like…probably 54% of the time.
4) I genuinely am able to not care what the world thinks of me.
And…shit. I guess that’s it. But I truly am good at that last one, and I consider myself very lucky to be that way, because well, I still remember middle school.
Back then, I was like many others: I tried to say that I didn’t care what people thought, but inside, I was dying and thinking, “Oh God, do no girls like me? It’s because of my lack of eyebrows, isn’t it?”
Getting past that was one of the most important steps in my life, because not caring what others think makes you so powerful. You are entirely in your own hands. You can move through your life without carrying the weight of gossip, expectations, and horseshit, and you have a clearer, more defined idea of who you are, because you’re living only for you. This is a foundational aspect of the person that I am (which probably makes it a deterrent for you, but I digress).
The point is that this is important. Not caring about what others think is the closest you’ll ever come to true individual freedom.
Now sure, you should care what someone says about you if that thing is, “Hey, you’re kind of destroying humanity,” or ifit’s your boss saying, “Hey, if you do that again, I’m probably gonna shitcan you.”
But as a habit, as an emotionally debilitating investment of time and energy, it sucks. You’re constantly stuck frettingover what your in-laws will think of your job, or about how everyone at the beach will judge your body, or if your date will hate you for the way you say “pellow.” So you have this massive weight of unnecessary stress, all to live up to standards that you haven’t even had a part in deciding.
It’s like you’re in prison, only you’re not behind any bars. You’re kept in prison only by your prison guards–people in your life armed not with guns or batons, but opinions. Your guards are your aunt judging your career choices, or your frienemy saying your Instagram sucks, or the guy you kind of like saying your face is subpar.
And eventually, you need to figure out that opinions aren’t guns, and there’s no reason to feel threatened by them. You can just walk around your sister and leave as she yells that your tattoo is stupid.
Many believe it’s impossible to not care what others think, and sure, you may not be able to eradicate it 100%. But that doesn’t mean you can’t drastically reduce how much you care and improve your life. We live in a world where millions eat healthy in a world ruled by sugar, where people work jobs that crush their soul because it’s what is best for their kids, and where we refrain from responding to our grandparents’ political opinions with “Oh fuck you nana,” despite what every inch of our brain is telling us.
So yes, we can defy our nature if we set our mind to it, and we can break out of the Shawshank that is other peoples’ opinions and expectations.
So here are a few suggestions to help you take this step in life.
1) Remember: There are Four Types of People, and None of Their Opinions Matter
A) People You Don’t Know
This should be easy. What strangers think of you clearly doesn’t matter, right? It’s like concerning yourself with what your neighbor thinks of NCIS, or how Dick Cheney feels about the Yankees. It’s that irrelevant. It has that much impact on your life.
B) People You Kind of Know
Social media has given some a mysterious propensity to care about the opinions of people they kind of know, and it shouldn’t because look at how idiotic this sounds.
“Oh no. Dude from 8th grade thought my Tweet was stupid. Fuck, should I delete it?”
And besides, nobody outside of your circle ever thinks about you anyway. You cross no one’s mind, and stay in no one’s memories. You are a blip on humanity’s radar. Get over yourself.
C) Friends/Significant Others
I know you probably care what your friends and loved ones think of you. Most of us do to some extent. But you know, stop that.
A lot of our fears about what friends and spouses think boils down to fearing that if someone thinks bad things about you, then everyone will hate you, and they won’t want to be around you, and then when the apocalypse comes, you’ll have nobody who can cover you while you loot Cheez-Its and vodka from the local grocer. So let me just remind you of something you really know, but you don’t feel enough.
You will not die alone because someone thinks poorly of you.
You will not die alone because someone thinks poorly of you.
You will not die alone because someone thinks poorly of you.
Nobody out there is worth you losing track of who you are. So let it happen. People who start to avoid you when you’re doing nothing wrong aren’t meant to continue being your friend. But the good news is that there are 7 billion people on this planet, so I think you can probably find someone else. Chill.
Family is a vital part of human security and happiness, and we should all rely on our families for support.Unless your family sucks, then of course fuck those people. I mean, what are you doing? You’re not bound by law to keep hanging out with them. You’re an adult. Do what you want.Yes, that’s right. You should not care what your family thinks of you.
People often don’t see things this way though. People care so deeply about their family’s opinion–their parents in particular. It’s not at all uncommon for parents to use their judgments to try to guilt and control their kid, and even worse, it’s not uncommon for the kid to let it happen.
In most cases, you should keep your parents close. But before you let them start to control you, remember this: once you’re old enough to take care of yourself, your parents need you more than you need them.
This isn’t to say you guys couldn’t still really use each other, because you probably could, but once you’re an adult, you have shit going on, they don’t so much, and they’ll need you to care for them in like 10-15 years.
I’m not saying to be a dick to your parents if they don’t deserve it. I’m just saying you have the leverage here. So dare them to disapprove of you. Dare them to push you away–the person they value more than anything in the world–because you’re happy with someone they don’t approve of, or because you chose some less lucrative career path.
This is easy for me to say, because my parents are awesome, and I won’t ever have to worry about this, but it’s still true regardless. Your parents are no longer your superiors and they no longer have a say in your life, so don’t let them. You don’t need a ride to school any more. You’ve got big girl pants on. You’ve got this.
If you really know yourself, then the opinions of others cannot hurt you. Think about it. There are two possibilities when someone says something about you. It’s true.
If you truly know and accept who you are, your response to any true opinion–no matter how insulting it is–shouldsound something like:“Yeah, I stutter. That’s a thing I do. A- A- Accurate.”
“Yup, I am pretty much fat. Can’t deny that.”
“Oh yeah, I’m totally an idiot. I believe that to be verifiably true.”
The same applies if someone says or thinks something about you, and…
…it’s not true.
If you called Lebron James a midget, it wouldn’t hurt his feelings. I mean I don’t know him personally, but I’m pretty sure. After all, why would somebody be hurt by something that they know is untrue? Shouldn’t you respond like this to every untrue insult?
“You’re an uneducated lardass piece of shit.”
“Oh no, sorry, you’re mistaken. I’ve thought about that, and I’m actually not.”
The only way you can have the power to have this attitude in both cases–regardless of how insulting the outside opinion is–is, again, by knowing yourself extremely well. It’s only when you don’t know yourself well enough to know if the statement is true, that an outside opinion can bother you.
“Am I really a dog-faced fucking idiot? I always told myself I wasn’t. Oh no!”
If you know yourself, you become invincible, so self-examine constantly, and catch yourself when you come even remotely close to denial zone.
A great way to ensure you know and accept yourself is to always justify all of your actions. You can be your first and harshest judge, and you can determine whether or not you’re doing the right thing. If you commit to this, then the only person you need to justify your actions to is yourself (unless you’re a sociopath who murders people. Hopefully if youare, you don’t use this advice to justify murder.)
(Please don’t murder anyone.)
3) Give Into The Rebellion
Not caring about what others think is a difficult thing to talk about. It doesn’t matter how true it is, or what your tone is. “I don’t care what you think of me,” sounds inherently petulant. You run the risk of sounding like a posturing thirteen-year-old shopping at Hot Topic and wearing this shirt.
Which wouldn’t be a problem (since after all, who cares what anyone thinks?) if not for the fact that it makes it so that no one believes you, thus rendering your statement pointless. And also, you just feel like a douche.
But you have to get over that and forge ahead, because there’s a reason 13-year-olds are overly rebellious. They’re trying to become their own people, separate from their parents influence. This is all apart of our attempt to progress as a species and, cringey as it is, it’s important.
So even though it seems immature and douchey and stupid, rebel. When someone anywhere has an opinion about you, feel how good it feels to say, “I don’t care.” Feel the power it gives you over that person and over yourself, and fall in love with that. You are in your own hands. You are determining whether or not you’re awesome and you’re determined to make that answer yes.
So be the 13-year-old. Wear your Hot Topic, say fuck the power, tell others with judgments to fuck off, then drive off blasting your Linkin Park in a fit of crying, sweating, hormones.
4) Remember, The Universe is Infinite and We’re all Gonna Fucking Die
This is a good thing to remember with any small problem that you’re making into a bigger problem.
And others’ opinions are a small problem. This is something we can all rationally recognize. We can see this doesn’t really mean anything and it shouldn’t impact our life.
So when you start to get our feelings hurt, just remember, we live in an infinite universe, people die of awful things every day, and in the grand scheme of things, you’re going to join them pretty soon.
Nothing really matters, particularly what some dude thinks of your dress. Remember this, repeat it to yourself, feel it, relax, and enjoy life a little more.
Others’ expectations are like walking around with sopping wet clothes on. They’re weighing you down, they’re covering up what you’re insecure about, and you’re not sure why you started wearing them in the first place.
There’s a much freer world out there, and it’s not that hard to find. I say this because I’ve found it, and I once shocked myself in an electric socket at the age of 26.
So get yourself out of those wet clothes. They’re doing nothing for you. Walk those streets naked, and feel the freedom that comes with it. It’s a new day. A new, naked day.
(Please don’t actually walk the streets naked. Also, seriously, please don’t kill anybody.)
