Yes, Even You Are Worthy of Love

It’s weird how people who complain that they’re inherently unlovable seem so self-aware, but never seem to realize how annoying their mopey asses are to everyone around them.

Feeling unlovable doesn’t just bum you out.  It’s a virus that infects so many relationships and causes so many people to act out in the most damaging ways: infidelity, abuse, neediness, being one of those fucking people who has to corect others all the time (if you felt the need to fix my typo there, you failed the test).  We behave in terrible ways like this in an effort to push people away and we also put up with this behavior that is meant to push us away, and in both cases, we often do it because we feel like we don’t deserve real love.

So it sucks for you, it’s worse for the person you’re with, and it’s insufferable for everyone who has to listen to your shit, because we all know that no matter who says it, “I’m unlovable,” is never accurate.

It’s not like when someone is like, “My jokes aren’t funny,” or “I really need to lose weight,” or “I need to get surgery on my entire face,” where you tell them it’s not true, but inside you’re thinking, “But how can I nicely imply that it is true so that she does something about it, and I can stop looking at her weird eye thing?”

I can’t think of a single, solitary human I know that is unlovable.  I mean how little would you have to think of another human being to think that?  We don’t.  That’s the kind of extreme disgust we save for ourselves.

But I know what you’re thinking.  “But I really am unlovable!  I mean look at my love handles, and my job prospects, and the way I say ‘hummus!’  Who could ever love me?”

Okay fair, but also, shut up.  Because of course, OF COURSE you are worthy of being loved.  And don’t think I’m being nice to you or something.  You deserve love not because you’re a ‘special woman’ or an ‘amazing man,’ but because you’re a human being.  Every single person alive is worthy of love.

And I have photographic evidence for you.

This is Eva Braun.  Or sorry.  That was her name most of her life.  At the end of her life, she died as Eva Hitler.

His wife.  This is Hitler’s wife.

Hitler’s wife.

Hitler’s wife. 

Adolf Hitler, mass murderer and all around butthead, had a wife.

Now granted, Hitler was loved by many from a distance as dictators tend to be, but consider what a relationship with him would be like.  Think of trying to have your own life in an age without cell phones and where Hitler is your husband.   I mean this bitch saw into the soul of one of the bottom five humans since our thumbs became opposable.  And lest you think she was just into him for his power, keep in mind she tandem-suicided with him.  It’s like Romeo and Juliet if Romeo killed 6 million Jews.

Eva Hitler should give us all hope.  Despite everything he did, that fucking guy could find a Fraulein to marry and then munch on some cyanide with and you’re afraid you’re unlovable, why, because you weigh a little too much?  Because your breath stinks?  Because like one in ten of your jokes lands?  (I have experience with that one.  Trust me.  It’s not a deal-breaker.)

It’s not just dictators and famous assholes.  Think of all of the pieces of shit that surround you that are in loving relationships.  You know who I’m talking about.  There’s abusive assholes, airheaded idiots, that girl in the office everyone hates who Instagrams pictures of her babies, and engagement rings and you’re thinking, “How the fuck does anyone love that idiot?  And how am I single?” 

Well because that’s how this works.  Everyone is worthy.  Everyone can find someone who will appreciate them and all of their bullshit and that includes you.

So let’s look at some reasons why you feel unlovable, and why those reasons are bullshit.

If your parents were abusive or neglectful, you’re probably more likely to feel like you’re not worthy of love.

I’m not about to tell you how to recover from any real childhood abuse, but I will tell you this: As somebody with completely loving, awesome parents, their love doesn’t mean shit.  Parental love is a constant.  It doesn’t say anything about you or your worth.  My parents loved me when I was in a constant state of ignoring them, talking to them like they were idiots, and smelling like moldy socks.

I wasn’t worthy of love as a shitty teenager.  I was an asshole, but they loved me anyway because their love has no barometer.  They don’t know how to show love as it’s deserved because they have chemicals that fire away in their brain when they look at me, and it ruins their love judgment. 

If you didn’t feel loved by your parents, they either have some wires crossed that keep them from knowing what love is, or maybe they did really love you and just didn’t want to show it because they thought you’d get better grades that way.

But point being, regardless, that shit had nothing to do with you.

Remember this.  Repeat it every day.  Make it your mantra.  It won’t cure any abuse trauma you have, but if you’re aware of it, you can try to stop the trauma from impacting your garbage decision-making.

Maybe your problem is that you don’t love yourself enough.  The good news with that is that you can choose to become more lovable.

Let me be clear though: You shouldn’t really have to do this.  You are still worthy of love as your current, shitty, lazy, mouth-breathing, awful-excuse-for-a-human self.  But you’ll feel more worthy if you improve who you are. 

So go on.  You can change yourself from a horrific unbathed idiot into a tolerable bathed idiot and that’s progress!  You can start doing that right now, and if you do it enough, you will feel more worthy of love.

You kind of know you’re full of shit though, don’t you?  You know, when you get down to the logic of it all, that you are worthy of love, and you can find someone.  When you dig around a little, we all know this.

So why do we stop ourselves all the time?  So why do we lose sight of the people who love us?  Why do we put stock into how shitty people treat us and let it impact our decisions and our views of ourselves?  Why do we give up after being rejected a handful of times?  Why do we keep finding reasons to believe something that all logic tells us isn’t true?

Fear.  I mean duh.

That’s what this is really about.  No matter what has caused the fear, thinking you’re unlovable is a convenient and safe reaction.  If you have no shot at love, then you don’t have to try, so you can accept failure and give up, and never go through the sorrow of losing the greatest thing in the world.

On the other hand, no one can take masturbation away from you.  If you just accept sleeping alone every night, or sleeping with a conniving monster because you don’t deserve anything actually valuable, you can cave to your fears, and cozy up to the no-risk idea that you don’t deserve the real thing.

But to put it simply: The real thing is worth it, and your fears are stupid.

So stop trying to hide your fear of love in all the bullshit I listed up there.  If you really want to feel legitimately lovable, fuck all of that.  It really just comes down to two steps:

1) Be more courageous in your decisions.  Don’t accept being alone if you don’t want to be, and don’t accept a garbage version of love, since you now know, and must accept that you deserve the real thing.  You’re out of excuses.
2) Going off of history, I guess just don’t kill, like, 6,000,001 Jews.