By 
Look, this has been a rough year for a lot of us. The world is coming apart at the seams in Aleppo, every cool person left is dead, Martin Shkreli is still alive, Brexit happened, there were shootings and terrorist attacks, Suicide Squad was released, as was Brock Turner, and well…I don’t need to say the one we’re all thinking of (Hint: It wants to fuck its daughter).
Many of us feel a need to act out right now, but this year has made us feel so overwhelmed with a tsunami of radioactive sewage, that we haven’t yet figured out exactly how to act out. So the recent trend has largely been a lot of flailing around and shitting our pants about what’s to come without much accomplished.
A lot of what we need to do starts with improving ourselves. So how do we strengthen ourselves and prepare to take on this world? How do we battle back after the garbage dump that was 2016–especially when 2017 promises to make it look like a cakewalk? How do we hold in our vomit, and move forward?
The holidays sure seem…in the way, don’t they? You’re often obliged to spend days in a row with family, which means that you’re not going to really get anywhere in terms of taking the world by storm, getting your shit in order, and fighting your way forward after it feels like this year has knocked you so far back. This time of year can kind of feel like an annoying obstacle in the way of the hills we still have to climb.
If you don’t celebrate Christmas, I’m sure it’s even worse. I’m sure it’s tempting to look at this holiday full of loud, bright, WASPy indulgence, and to feel even more so like you’re not really a part of this world.
(With that said, I’ll be consistently basing this post around Christmas, more than the holidays in general–not because I want to jerk off to how un-PC I can be, but because it’s the one I have experience with, so hopefully any other holidays can apply to this as well. If not, uh…my bad.)
Even if you do celebrate Christmas, after this year, it’s tempting to look at this holiday season differently. It’s tempting to look at reindeer figurines on people’s lawns, and fat dudes dressed as Santa, and rosy cheeked children excited for the best day of the year, and to think, “Oh who fucking cares? We’re all going to die soon anyway. The world is going to implode, so fuck pine trees, fuck family togetherness, and fuck Mariah Carey.”
But I want to encourage all of you–Christmas celebrators and others–to resist this urge, because the holiday season affords us an opportunity that we desperately need. It’s not an obstacle. It’s a step towards a solution, because it’s a rare, designated chance to regroup–and one that we need now more than ever.
Your Pre-Christmas Plan
Instead I’ll say this: give yourself a break, and escape into the holidays. Plunge fully into Santa’s beard, light some candles, and decorate candy cane-shaped cookies to look like deformed penises (unless that’s just me that does that?).Regardless of what you celebrate, fully immerse yourself in the holiday season–not just because, you know, it may be planet earth’s last one, but because the holiday season gives you a unique opportunity to get away from the repugnant outside world, focus on everything good, and recharge. For adults (particularly without children), that has kind of become its purpose. And there is no time better to take advantage of this than at the end of this shitpile of 366 days.So take some time. Step back from Twitter, and all of its reminders of the horrors of the world. Go back home, and be a kid with no responsibilities for a minute. Break out the old N64, watch some garbage on TV, eat your disgusting face off, play board games, lose track of the time, go to the places you went to eat as a kid, TP your high school principal’s house, look at Christmas lights, listen to all 8,000 of the songs where the only present the singer wants from Santa is to be with his/her love, and bask in the predictable, safe, familiar stupidity of it all.We need to surround ourselves with this stupid bullshit now more than ever–especially since it’s temporary. So allow yourself to fully, and totally recharge. Remind yourself of how easy, and great, and joyous, and full of boobies and chocolate the world can be when it’s at its best. Allow yourself to feel good and safe for little.You can fight the world later. Get yourself on track first.Bring Yourself Closer to People
It’s also a perfect time to bring yourself closer to the rest of humanity–be it to loved ones, distant relatives, or people whose lives actually suck.
Part of this starts with not distancing yourself even where you may want to. This was such a uniquely dramatic election, that if you disagree with your family, you might feel so disgusted and disillusioned, that you’re struggling to even look at them right now.
But before you change anybody or have a real conversation, you need to fully see these people as normal again, or else you run the risk of calling your aunt a “stupid fascist cuntface Hitler” and really, what is that going to accomplish?
So use the holiday season to temporarily forget about everything else and instead, fully re-immerse yourself in the idea that these are still your friends and family, and that you still love these people (even if they may have brought about the end to the human race whoops lolz).
Fuck the politics for now. You can get to that later. For now, treat this like a normal holiday season. Let your mom tell you about all of the things happening in your old neighborhood, then make fun of her for thinking that you would care about that, and then bask in the feeling of security from being around them again. Treat it all as normal, see them as normal, and give yourself the gift of feeling normal for just a little bit.
When you talk to older relatives, don’t just sit there, waiting for the conversation to be over like you almost certainly do right now.
Instead, use this opportunity to contribute to their joy a little. Think about what they want to get out of this chat and try to give that to them. Tell them that everything is going great for you (you know, lie), open up an opportunity for them to share what they think is their wisdom, and listen to them talk about the sound their furnace makes. Try to do what you can to make some kind of connection, or at the very least, pretend well enough to make nana happy. It’s a great chance to make another human feel better.
This is also the perfect time to give of yourself in some way. Donate to the horror in Aleppo, volunteer at a local soup kitchen, hold up a sign in a high traffic intersection saying, “You won’t die today.” (Sure statistically, like two of the people who pass you will die, but it’s the thought that counts.) Do something to make the world less of a garbage dump for your fellow humans.
Use this to remind yourself that we’re all just fucking people, and we’re in this together, which is great, because most of us are really great inside, even if our outside actions often suck donkey dicks. With many people, their brains are up their asses, and their dicks are taking them God-knows-where, but their hearts are in the right place, and you need some visceral, real life reminders of that if you’re going to feel any optimism about the world, and fight the right fights.
So that’s your to-do list up through Christmas. Allow yourself to fully relax, forget about what a dumpster fire the world is, hold people close, and look at the days ahead as a chance to restart.
Post-Christmas
Now it’s time to regroup.
A day or two after Christmas–when you start to feel fully relaxed, recharged, and aware of everything good in the world–start to reflect on the past year, and in particular on yourself. What did you do well this year? What did you suck ass at? What more can you do in 2017 for both yourself and the world? How can you fight back?
Think with unending optimism about the potential you still have, and the potential the world has, and view everything through that lens.
Then, in the days leading up to New Year’s, gear the fuck up. Consider what change you want to foster in yourself and in the world, and research how you can best do this. Make some plans to kick some ass, and check out all of the different ways you can make a positive difference in the world–whether it’s by making others feel loved and included, or choosing now to discuss politics with your parents, or passing gas masks out for whatever the fuck is coming in a couple months.
Then when it comes time for New Years, party your dick off. Go all out. If you remember more than half of what happened the night before, you’ve failed. Get all of the drunken fuckery out of your system now. Test the limits of your tolerance. Fall on your face in your neighbor’s driveway. Wake up in a garbage can.
Have the best time possible in order to give yourself one more reminder that this world can still be really fun and amazing, and that it is worth fighting for.
2017
Use New Year’s Day to recover. Meditate, go for a run, take a big hangover poo, do whatever you need to do to prepare before you re-enter reality with fresh eyes, and fresh legs.
Because Monday, January 2nd, you need to be ready to start to put your plan into action. You need to be ready to take this world the fuck on, and start on your road to being the best person you can possibly be in spite of, but mostly because of the potential oncoming shitstorm. Your life can still get better, and this world can still get better–but in both cases, only if we actually, you know, do things.
We can prepare to do things by doing nothing for the next week or so.
Don’t give up on the journey to a better you and a better world. Don’t lose hope, like an idiot. It’s the only thing we can always refill. Instead, use the wonders of reindeer, snowmen, and George Michael to remind you that this world can be great. Let yourself become filled with optimism and then go out there and make 2017 fantastic…
…or at least not a post-apocalyptic hellscape. At this point, I think we’d probably all settle for that.
